a long journey through night...

25 years..... kids.....a career......smalltown stability.... over.

I truly believe that love is never wasted, so I have much stored up for the rough times. I did not divorce myself from my children, though. I feel deeply for my former lady, but my soul had to break free. Holding someone's spirit down, whether by design or ignorance, will one day send that person out....away....to what but freedom? I have found that which I knew was there all along: love, intimacy, friendship, joy.

My career is intact, having left no bad feelings back home with my workmates or bosses. My subjects are bewildered but hopeful that my moving on brings me to a better place. And of small towns? I found this one suffocating in it's social familiarity and in my case a wide notoriety of sorts. Nowhere to be anonymous, no room to grow, stretch, re-invent. A dusty box too small to contain it's hold.

She has known me since adolescence, accepted me as I was without judgement, patient in her passion unrequited. She would not be a member of the slut parade.

She is my soulmate. Corny, I know, but true nonetheless. She believes we have traveled in other lives and brought that love with us. I have traversed mountains, beaches, snows, and skies with another but she I carried in my heart. I believe she is right. I believe in her.

Yes , I know...women will say I should have left long ago, given my feelings. I grew up the son of a man in love with liquid death and nothing else, so stability was a worthy trade for me to know my children. I was solid, supportive, nurturing, fun. But also reclusive, aloof, sensitive, isolationist... No doubt the conflict in my heart carved a chasm between us. But I would not miss those moments with my children, and I did not. My former mate is a beautiful person. I hope she finds someone who can tame her wild horses. I would not.

I am much older now. Much the wiser, and yet I still had a deep longing for my soulmate, like the alpha calling her from far-off valleys to join him on his nightly runs. She would not answer except in short, knowing the risks and not wishing the destruction of his pack. So he ran to her.
And now there is peace, adjustment, and hope for the future.